Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Contenders For Suho’s Hand In Marriage: The Future Of EXO-M

TheFutureofExo_Single


Kris‘ lawsuit has exploded all over the K-ingdom, leaving EXO and EXOtics shocked and disorientated. Kris is determined to leave EXO, so that begs the question, who is going to marry Suho next? We decided to examine the contenders for the leadership of EXO-M based on 3 criteria: STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES, and SHIPPABILITY WITH MAMA SUHO.


TAO


D.O.B: May 2nd, 1993

Nationality: Chinese

Role: Cry baby, “Innocent Girl,” and martial arts practitioner (sadly, these skills are not used to ward off creepy sasaengs). 201405_theoneshots_EXO_Tao_wushu


Strengths: Strength… literally. Don’t be fooled by the maknae attitude, Tao‘s a tough cookie. Wushu, wushu and more wushu. Don’t mess with a maknae that carries a big stick.


Weaknesses: Gucci. Tao’s very emotional. He cries a lot. This is something of a double edged sword – on one hand, it’s clear to fans how he’s feeling. There is no pretense. On the other hand, it can result in rash actions which could backfire on the group. He wears his heart on his sleeve. And if he’s not wearing any, he’ll open up the windows and let the fans know he’s upset. Despite his badass wushu skills, Tao is scared of bugs, and of ghosts in amusement park haunted houses.


201405_theoneshots_EXO_Tao_scared


Shippability with Mama Suho: Very low. In fact, as Suho and Tao are mom and son, that ship is downright incestuous! Keep it PG, shippers.

Random quote: “I miss my grandma.”


CHEN


D.O.B: September 21, 1992

Nationality: Korean

Role: Vocalist, troll, future underwear model (SM is rumored to have patented the name “Chooty.”)


201405_theoneshots_EXO_Chen


Strengths: The Chen booty will win over any Chinese fans who are still on the fence about OT11. And who can forget the hot pack angel, who fearlessly walked among ghosts?


Weaknesses: His nationality could work against him in China. He would also have to be wary of Jo Kwon, in case he comes after him for trying to steal the title of “Sassiest Leader.”


Shippability with Mama Suho:  The troll and the worrying mother figure – it’s a match made in K-drama heaven, because they love that fussy pull-and-tug-and-tease thing (get your minds out of the gutter). Chen is a troll and always willing to make people laugh, so if he were united with Suho in the holy union of fellow leader, we probably wouldn’t see Suho make this face again:


201405_theoneshots_EXO_Suho


Random quote: “Manly, my ass.”


LUHAN


D.O.B: April 20th, 1990

Nationality: Luhan is from some other realm where dazzling, ethereal creatures (such as Jaejoong and Sungjong) come from. However, on official documentation, it says that he’s Chinese.

Role: Vocalist, dancer and resident deer.


Strengths: Eternal youth and soccer thighs. Hey, you never know when you need to run away from a sasaeng really fast or kick a ball in her face to save your members.


Weaknesses: Xiumin. Luhan’s hot and hectic love life, filled with the drama of should he board SS HunHan vs. SS LuMin, could potentially distract him from his duties as leader.


201405_theoneshots_EXO_Luhan_Xiumin


Shippability with Mama Suho: Luhan’s shippability with Suho is slim. He’s already too preoccupied with the choice of HunHan and LuMin, and it is unclear how he and Suho feel about a polyamorous ship. However, both share similar interests, have a casual skinship and their ship is marketable, à la Twilight. The image of Sugar Daddy Suho courting the ethereal deer that is Luhan is like something out of  a (creepy bestial) fairytale that is sure to have fans in a tizzy.


Random quote:Yo man.”


XIUMIN


D.O.B: March 26, 1990

Nationality: Korean

Role: Unknown. Not even SM knows. Oldest member, don’t let Grandpa Suho fool you.


Strengths: He’s a vocalist who makes fangirls cry/combust with the power of cute. But just because he’s cute, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t beware – this is the mocha bread eating trend-setter who beat everyone at arm wrestling. Xiumin can also make a mean cup of coffee, a skill required by many an idol to stay awake during punishing schedules.


201405_theoneshots_EXO_Xiumin


Weaknesses: Like Chen, Xiumin’s nationality could work against him, despite his adorable face. Xiumin also does not talk a great deal, a trait which would not work in his favor as leader, as the position is one that entails being the group’s spokesperson.


Shippability with Mama Suho: Xiumin and Suho have a comfortable skinship and their bromance is something that could further gel the bonds between K and M.

Random quote: “I’m eating bread.” Why? Because diet or no diet, he’s hungry. Simple as that.


LAY


D.O.B: October 7th, 1991

Nationality: Chinese

Role: Main dancer


201405_theoneshots_EXO_Lay_YixingStrengths: Lay, being the last unicorn, has useful healing properties. When it comes to protecting friends and family, Lay will not hold back, but will admonish those who dare speak an ill word about those he cares for. It is also thought that Lay has the ability to bring about world peace.


Weaknesses: Lay has a dopey demeanour. He vacillates between spacey and morose, which is not the most dignified thing in a leader.


Shippability with Mama Suho: Suho and Lay wouldn’t be the hottest ship in EXO. Rather, their ship would be probably sail into the doldrums and disappoint fans.


Random quote:I hope for world peace.”


Having read the files on the contenders for the throne of EXO-M, which member do you think is best suited to lead? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below!


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