The K-Food Porn Adventures

Hi everyone. My name is Kadeem and I am a Korean food addict.

(“Hi Kadeem!”)

I’ve been addicted for a few years now – ever since my friend introduced me to the wonders of Korean BBQ. From then on, I have been hooked and this addiction has taken on a life of its own. This ranges from taking friends, family and dates to various Korean spots in New York City’s K-Town, going an hour and fifteen minutes out of my way to shop at H-Mart in order to buy items to fill my fridge and cabinets with, and taking various Korean food porn pictures and posting them on my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages.

Now, I have many stories of my K-Town food adventures, but there are two that have been the most striking.

Full disclosure, I’m an African American guy in my 20s.

One day I travelled to K-Town to get some food. I wanted to get it to-go since I was extremely tired and just wanted to relax at home. I went to this place called Arang. Since this wasn’t my first time there, I was already familiar with the menu. But, I looked at it anyway since I was unsure of what I wanted. When I was ready to order, I walked up to the cashier who seemed to be a young Korean woman in her 20’s. I ordered a dish called ddukgochi. The young lady looked at me with a bit of a blank stare for a few seconds before saying, “Okay, anything else?”

“No,” I responded.

She put in the order and then proceeded to stare at me. Now,  it is very obvious when someone is staring at you. You can feel their eyes trying to laser beam through your soul. Since I started to feel that, I glanced back at her. She turned her gaze away. After I looked away, she then looked back at me.

Alright so now I’m thinking, What game are we playing here? Perhaps this agassi is into me. Maybe I should mack it to her since she wants it. So, I look back at her.

(Cue random romantic song instrumental here.)

She then said, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” I replied in my mack daddy tone of voice.

“What exactly is ddukgochi? I know what ddukbokki is. But what is ddukgochi?”

(Record scratches.)

You can probably imagine my face when she asked this question. First off, she totally ruined the moment that we were going to have. This threw me totally off guard as I thought her question was going to be about our relationship me. I did not imagine it to be about food.

There I am thinking this woman that works at this Korean restaurant did not know what ddukgochi was! The shit is right there on the menu! How do you not know what it is?  I took a deep breath and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was her first day.

So I responded, “Well, it’s similar to ddukbokki in that rice cakes are used but instead it’s fried with sauces on the side or drizzled on top. The rice cakes come on a skewer and the different types of flavorful sauces from spicy to sweet accompany it.”

“Oh that sounds good,” she replied.

“It really is!”

And that was it. That was the end of the conversation. Perhaps she did want me and my “mack daddy-ness” and that was her way of breaking the ice. Or maybe she wanted to test my knowledge to see if I knew what I was ordering. Or perhaps she really didn’t know.

All I know is that it was kinda weird.

Now, my second story is similar to the first. I was meeting a few friends at another location as pre-game for an Infinite concert and decided to venture into a restaurant called New Wonjo. Again, I’ve been here many times so I was a bit familiar with their menu. When I walked in, I ordered immediately without even looking at the menu.

“Can I have goong joong ddukbokki please?”

The eyes of the waitresses, who seemed to be an older woman, brightened up.

“Omo! Goong joong ddukbokki. Yeh. Anjeuseyo. Anjeuseyo.” (Oh! Goong joong ddukbokki. Yes. Sit. Sit.)

She took me over to the bar area of the restaurant to have me sit and wait for my food there. She said, “gwi yeo weo” (‘cute’) at least twice as she escorted me to the area.

This ahjumma was grinning from ear to ear as she spoke in Korean to those behind the bar informing them of what I had ordered. The two people behind the bar, an older man and a younger woman, looked at me in amazement. The older man then proceeded to say to me, ”How do you know about goong joong ddukbokki? You must have had a Korean girlfriend right?”

I just laughed. Couldn’t it be possible that I have been to the restaurant before? Either way, I thought it was funny. But the funnier thing was that it didn’t stop there. Word must have gotten around the restaurant quick that this non-Korean knew this Korean dish by heart. Somehow that equated them with thinking I could speak Korean fluently. As I waited for my dish to arrive I had three other workers from the restaurant come up to me and say things.

1st waitresses: Anyeonghaseyo! (Hi!)

Me: Yeh. Anyeonghaseyo. (Hi)

2nd waitresses: Anyeonghaseyo! Eodiseo osyeosseoyo! (Hi! Where are you from?)

Me: Jeoneun New York City eseo wasseuyo. (I’m from New York City.)

3rd waiter: Jal meokkesseumnida (Have a good meal.)

Me: Yeh. Kamsamnihida. (Thank you.)

I was a celebrity within five minutes of being at the restaurant. It boggles my mind to this day. I still don’t really understand what happened. It’s not like they didn’t have any other customers and everyone was bored. The restaurant was full. Not packed, but full. So, everyone had work to do. Why was I such a hot or “cute” commodity? I’m still confused by it all. But I did get a chance to use some Korean.  I didn’t realize how much I actually knew until that moment. (Thank you, Pororo!)

Now although ddukbokki may have another meaning in Korean slang I must honestly say ddukbokki can make this brotha happy any day. There is a spark of magic in its ingredients that make me keep coming back for more. I have always said to myself if I ever lived near K-Town I would be there all of the time.

I would indulge in so much K-food porn that it would take over my life. And you know what? I have no shame about that at all. However as I pondered this decision, I realized that I would be better off where I am. I would prefer to not be broke as hell from this addiction. I have other things I need to spend my precious money on…like Taeyang and Sistar merchandise.  But then again, if I did live near the area, I may become a local celebrity and be loved amongst the restaurant workers and owners. And who knows what that could lead to: free food, free tickets to K-pop concerts, free tickets to Korea, become a YG, JYP, SM trainee.  Or maybe I will just become a K-food porn star instead like this lady.  I mean let’s get real. If this guy can make it in the Korean food porn industry, then I really have nothing to lose.

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