Recently, my mum became aware of the 5-member sex machine group that is Big Bang. First of all, let me just say that she’s not into K-pop in the slightest, albeit my efforts; she likes to make fun of it. Whenever a ballad comes on, it is shortly followed by a Michael Bolton power grab.
She’s British – born and bred – and listens to ABBA and Duran Duran religiously; as well as bands from the Stone Age (a.k.a the 80’s) on repeat, and won’t let go of her Mamma Mia! DVD. Occasionally she’ll play Katy Perry in the car but that’s a luxury. I’ve tried countless times to introduce her to modern day music.
So in true K-pop fan fashion, I showed her a couple of live clips, some music videos, and some pics from Big Bang’s debut days to now. Was she impressed?
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Mum: OK, first thing – what is that ridiculous quiff on the left hand side, and who’s that really effeminate guy on the far right?
Me: …Err, that’s T.O.P.
Mum: It’s all a bit try-hard.
Me: …Okay.
Me: Okay, so here’s someone who isn’t in the same group, but his style is similar. The guy on the left is Taeyang. He’s in the group. But the one on the right, Jay Park, isn’t. What do you think?
Mum: Ooh. No, don’t like.
Me: Really, why?
Mum: [points at Jay] Cuz his face looks too young for the body.
Me: Excuse me, that’s not true!
Mum: Nope. Don’t like the earrings, don’t like the tattoos. His face is too girly, and he’s got some ridiculous tram lines in his hair.
Me: Let me show you another thing…It’s Taeyang again. He got some interesting hair done a while ago.
Mum: His hair.
Me: …
Mum: Oh haha! It looks like sushi! Excellent.
Me: Watch this video of him. He’s an amazing dancer.
Me: Just listen to all those fans!
Mum: Sweaty… Greasy… What’s he doing with his hand and his trousers? It looks like his trousers are falling down… He’s having real trouble with his trousers – he keeps pulling them up.
*Fans start chanting part-way through the video*
Mum: What are they shouting – go away? Go away… Go away… He’s got his pocket sticking out as well. What’s he doing?
Me: He’s dancing! People pay good money to see this.
Me: Now I’m going to show you another guy.
Me: That’s called rapping, Mum.
Mum: Rapping? You can’t rap on a piano.
Me: Nooo, the way he’s “singing” is called rapping. Listen to the fans, there are so many of them.
Mum: Many fans. Much singing. Ooh, his voice is a bit high and a bit tinny! It sounds like his voice hasn’t broken yet.
Me: Oh, right – okay then.
Mum: How old is he? 12?
Me: You know, that’s kind of funny, seeing as he must’ve started his training around then. What these companies do is they put their employees through tons and tons of training for years and years – some train for up to 5 - and then -
Mum: What, to be like that? Hahaha.
Me: [rolls eyes ] Yeah, to become like that!
Mum: Mm, awful.
Me: Right, so next, here we have a pretty famous music video.
Me: Makeup.
Mum: Ridiculous hair, tattoos. Dressing up for Halloween, bless. It’s quite funky there, with that big quiff.
Me: Just wait for the rap.
Mum: You can’t rap sitting down!
Me: You can rap sitting down.
Mum: …Is this the rap?
Me: There’s more…
Mum: Is it 2 guys or 1 guy?
Me: It’s 5.
Mum: Hmm, I can’t tell. They all look the same to me… Has he got grey hair?
Me: It’s blue!
Mum: Ooh, hello sailor. He’s got, like, a French sash…
Me: OK, so what do you think that song was about?
Mum: Some kind of war – there were tanks and he was wearing that commander outfit.
Me: So, like, a war against that group in particular?
Mum: I’d fight against them in that war…
So there it is. She hated it all, so I guess she won’t be downloading anything of theirs on iTunes. She won’t touch rap, so Fantastic Baby was 4 minutes or so of hell. And Big Bang is not exclusively aiming to please 40-some-odd year old women (although, I’m sure they do), so it made sense that they didn’t please her. But I am so glad I showed all this to her! She also laughs in the face of K-pop style: i.e. the hair and the makeup – especially the perms, costumes and eyeliner (basically all of it). She doesn’t understand how it appeals to so many people, especially the hair.
I think one of the main reasons for this is because sometimes older generations (like my mum’s), tend to be a little more, ‘racist’ when it comes to it; nonetheless it’s intriguing and absolutely hilarious to hear her input on things, especially with these “Chinese men” that keep popping up on the telly.
How do your parents react to K-pop?
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