Why I’ll Never Be An EXO Stan

It’s them.

You can hardly mention K-pop before those three sacred letters appear – from a distant planet far, far away, 11 Gods, blah, blah, blah… They’re everywhere, dancing, singing, watching you , you can’t even say you like K-pop without someone asking you about them…

Alpacas and airport fashion, you guessed it – I’m talking about EXO.

But I  haven’t grown to like them. I’m indifferent to them. I assure you, I’m no music snob, but here are the main reasons why I’ll never be an EXO stan.

1. SASAENG FANS SCARE ME

Ah, the ol’ sasaengs. Either they legitimately thought that SM actually did collect 11 sex gods from a mysterious planet with little evidence of existence (who knows what they’re actually keeping in that basement of theirs), and that it is their duty to follow, worship and publicly harass each and every one of them, OR they’re just a little bit more crazy than the rest of us here on Planet Earth. (And by crazy, I mean REALLY CRAZY.)

I know, I know, you’ve probably seen this photo, and I know not all EXO fans are batshit crazy like this, but if you’re going to scar yourself for life, invade weddings, steal pants and record someone singing in the shower just to get close to them, there’s something very, very wrong. It’s not fair to the idols, and if you love them, then you’ll understand this.

And this is the exact reason I’m never going to stan EXO. Some fans are embarrassing, and I’m not going to be associated with them. For my own safety.

I don’t want to be in a fandom that means that I have to cut, scar, bruise and batter my body and hurt the people around me to prove my love for a group to other fans. I just want to buy the album and go to a concert. It’s not the boys, it’s the fans. Which is unfair.

Please:

Damn, can you imagine if one of them got a girlfriend?

2. THEY’RE OVERRATED

STOP, STOP, STOP – PUT THE KNIFE DOWN PLEASE – OK. I’ve watched a lot of live performances, and I bet you have, too. Thing is, they’re similar. It’s the same thing over, and over, and over, and — you get the idea. I don’t watch Music Core, because I might as well listen to the audio. When Overdose came out, I was disappointed because what I saw was a HD combination of everything I’d already seen in the past. The intro had me hooked, but then the song started and I felt like I’d lost everything I just saw in the beginning 20-odd seconds. SM doesn’t let EXO give enough to the fans, and they don’t let them experiment. Their true talents aren’t showcased enough in their music videos.

Zzzzzz… I’m seeing too much of the same thing.

And that goes for almost every mainstream group – one more reason why I don’t understand the hype around EXO. Oh no, actually, I kind of do. Their success was generated from SM’s huge marketing machine, and I’m not gonna fall for that. Their videography is more than extensive – 5 radio shows, 11 music shows (there’ll have been more), and over 80 variety show appearances, you can hardly hide from them.

3. THEIR MUSIC IS FORGETTABLE

Growl, Wolf, Overdose and MAMA: What do they have in common? Everything. I listen to them twice, and then that’s it for me. Their live performances are almost as bland as their music videos – there’s no differentiating theme at all.

Call me strange, but I can’t seem to find their music catchy. And their songs are almost schizophrenic. There’s always a rap, always a ballad-like vocal gymnastics section, a dubstep bridge, and nothing sticks. But I’ll admit, there’s visual appeal: their music videos are quite beautiful. However, MAMA is 6 minutes long -but what do we remember from the video? Some weird tree shit about the gods. I spent the first 1 minute and 40 seconds very, very confused. Then the next 5 minutes wondering how they kept all that tin foil in tact when dancing. Don’t even ask me how I felt when the screamo section came on…

EXO don’t just rely on pretty faces, but they have the potential to do so much more; more than the rookies we first met in 2012. You can do ballads, you can do anthems, but so can every other group. You can dance, you can sing, but that’s the industry you’re in.

You have to keep people entertained for more than 30 seconds.

I don’t throw shade at them as people, but I dislike what they’ve done as musicians and performers. I don’t see anything that makes me want to listen to them or download anything, and the hype and attention has gotten to such a level, that I just don’t want to have to care about them on such a large scale. EXO are cute and all, but they’re boring. They’re dull. They’re forgettable, they have to carry the weight of a million overly obsessive fans around 24/7. We know Kris called it quits. They’re recycling old concepts. I’m not feeling anything new, or seeing anything I haven’t seen before. Their live performances are screamed over. There’s always that one crazy chick in the background who hasn’t quite understood how to behave. Screaming is OK every now and again, but can you please let us hear the chorus. If it’s catchy enough that we remember it.